Wednesday, February 18, 2009

on my sabbatical

 Sunrise over Woodstone Prairie

No...I'm not still decluttering.

Although... on second thought... maybe I still am.

 I've gone through our material possessions and, after four loads to the Goodwill, I'm feeling like things are decluttered. I've gone through every box in the basement, every cupboard in the kitchen, and every shelf in the classroom.

It feels good to have things cleaned out, and to pass our "extras" along to people who need them.
I think I've moved on to decluttering the non-tangible aspects of my life... getting rid of those "extras" that take time and add stress to my day.

Like spending time at the computer.

There are a couple of reasons the computer didn't make the cut...

The first is that, when I'm not spending time at the computer, I'm moving and getting things done. I've finished that desk I started refinishing last year, and restructured our homeschool... making our time more productive, and giving the kids a little more structure.  I've added structure in other ways to our day as well, which is working well for M. I've been outside working with Tucker, my little wild donkey (who I'm sure would much rather I be inside sitting at the computer!). I'm knitting more. I've helped to organize some support for members of my homeschool group who are homeschooling kids with special needs. I'm spending time with a neighbor who recently lost her job.

I have more time to do the things I think are important.

It's also been a challenging couple of months with M. January/February are typically his most difficult months... This year has been a little better (maybe) but he's still very up and down, still very unpredictable. I've found that my physical reaction to his episodes has changed over the past six months or so, and my "bounce back" time after an episode has gotten longer. (I think PTSD has finally caught up with me!) I've  been juggling two pdocs since the first of the year as well, taking M to another local pdoc who is very highly skilled (rated top child pdoc in the area several years in a row). We still have the pdoc who has been caring for M since forever, the new one is consulting with the old one... offering some new ideas and opinions. So M's illness has also been keeping me plenty busy...

I love to write, and love my blog... but it was turning into a stressor... another "should do", and the time I was spending at the computer was eating up large chunks of my day. (I'm a poor writer and a bit of a perfectionist... so I could spend large periods of time trying to get the words "just right".)

I've also been wondering if my blog has reached the end of it's usefulness. I started blogging as a way of keeping in touch with my siblings, who are spread all over the globe. But they've stopped blogging for the most part, and I'd begun to feel as though I could no longer be honest in my writings about living with schizophrenia. It also felt as though our (my siblings and my) blogs had become an excuse for not keeping in real touch... a substitute for real connection.

So, for now, I'm not blogging. (Well, except for right now I guess I am, aren't I? :)

I'm pretty sure I'll be back... I do love to write, and love my blog, but I need to find a way to keep it from taking more time than I'm willing to give it. And I need to find a way to write for me again...

 Thanks for checking in with me... we're ok, just going another direction right now.