Making a change

 I’ve never been a big consumer. I don’t like shopping, especially in brick and mortar stores (online is more fun!), but found I was getting a bit spend thrifty during the pandemic. Almost having a mindset of “since we’re dealing with the hardships and uncertainty of the pandemic I should just buy what we want and not worry about the cost”. Which I did… not to excess but more than usual. 

I’m not comfortable being spend thrifty. I am a minimalist and having too many “things” stresses me out and leads to major cleaning episodes which leads to multiple trips to Goodwill to drop off donations. 

So… my goal for the year starting August 1st is to avoid buying anything new…that includes books, household items, clothes, etc. 

There are exceptions to my “nothing new” rules of course… I’m not going to get crazy with this. 

Exceptions are… 

Replacing an item that has broken and is not repairable or is completely worn out.

Gifts

Groceries and other consumables

DIY materials but only if absolutely necessary…I’ll use what I have here, modifying plans if need be before buying more supplies. 

The bookcases for the loft redo that I’ve been trying to buy since mid-June but IKEA has been out of. 

Did I say I’m planning on working on this for a year? 

This isn’t just an exercise in frugality or will power. Each item I buy used, or don’t buy at all, is one less item that needs to be manufactured, saving the materials and energy that go into the manufacturing process. It’s a small gesture, yes, but it feels like the right thing to do.

What I've learned...

We have new next door neighbors. They moved in last week. Before they lived here they lived in the city (not far from where we used to live). I've been watching them exploring their new property... discovering the deer that live there, and the remains of coyote "dinners" in the gully, and wondering how tall a fence they'll need to keep their two little dogs from becoming the next coyote dinner.

They kind of remind me of Dh and I almost 5 years ago, when we first moved out of the city and onto our little piece of land.  As I've watched them I've realized that I've learned a lot over the years we've been here... (although the more I learn the more I realize how much I have to learn!).

I thought I would share some of what I've learned here...

1. A good pair of mudboots is your best friend. Really. (But do try to remember to change out of them before you go to town.)
2. A little manure never hurt anyone.
3. You can never plant too many flowers*
4. Don't waste your time trying to keep wild animals off your land (and out of your garden). This is a battle they will always win because they are craftier, more agile, and more persistent than you are. Cut down on stress and resign yourself to putting a decent fence around your garden (5-6' will keep out most of the deer) and planting extra for the rabbits.  If you have flowers plants that you really don't want eaten invest in some "Deer Stopper" and spray them every week or so.  Apparently deer don't like the taste of rosemary and mint oil mixed with something that smells like rotten eggs.
5. As long as we are talking about gardening... regardless of what it says in your favorite gardening book, do NOT use straw to mulch your vegetable garden unless you are planning on harvesting hay.
6. Respect the weather. Understand that driving in blizzards can be risky and possibly result in a wrecked car and children who, for years, are deathly afraid of driving in snow. (Don't ask me how I know this, just trust that it's true.)
7. If you put in long hours catching up on all the work around the place, and think you're done and can finally sit and relax for awhile... you've forgotten something (or probably several somethings) because the work is NEVER caught up!
8. Learn to say no when friends (unless they're Granny) offer you dogs they can no longer keep because you have so much land, time, etc. If you don't, you could easily end up like the people you read about in the paper who have 52 dogs, 87 cats and 4 goats sharing their bedroom.
9. Don't waste anything, you'd surprised how important "garbage" can be. We use composted alpaca manure to fertilize the garden (see #2), made a "harrow" for the pasture out of old lumber and scraps of chain link fencing, and have learned that even "scrap" wood can be used for something... which saves not only money but also a trip to town.
10. If you hear something yowling, after dark, and it sounds like a really big cat... don't go looking for it... mountain lions are real, and you don't want to stumble into one in the night.
11. Stock up on food and hay before winter, keep a decent wood pile on the porch where you can get to it, and make sure the flashlights have batteries. It's not a question of if a big snow storm will start dumping... it's a question of when!

*Ok, so this one really has nothing to do with living in the country... I thought it was important enough to try to sneak it in anyway.

on my sabbatical

 Sunrise over Woodstone Prairie

No...I'm not still decluttering.

Although... on second thought... maybe I still am.

 I've gone through our material possessions and, after four loads to the Goodwill, I'm feeling like things are decluttered. I've gone through every box in the basement, every cupboard in the kitchen, and every shelf in the classroom.

It feels good to have things cleaned out, and to pass our "extras" along to people who need them.

I think I've moved on to decluttering the non-tangible aspects of my life... getting rid of those "extras" that take time and add stress to my day.

Like spending time at the computer.

There are a couple of reasons the computer didn't make the cut...

The first is that, when I'm not spending time at the computer, I'm moving and getting things done. I've finished that desk I started refinishing last year, and restructured our homeschool... making our time more productive, and giving the kids a little more structure.  I've added structure in other ways to our day as well, which is working well for M. I've been outside working with Tucker, my little wild donkey (who I'm sure would much rather I be inside sitting at the computer!). I'm knitting more. I've helped to organize some support for members of my homeschool group who are homeschooling kids with special needs. I'm spending time with a neighbor who recently lost her job.

I have more time to do the things I think are important.

It's also been a challenging couple of months with M. January/February are typically his most difficult months... This year has been a little better (maybe) but he's still very up and down, still very unpredictable. I've found that my physical reaction to his episodes has changed over the past six months or so, and my "bounce back" time after an episode has gotten longer. (I think PTSD has finally caught up with me!) I've  been juggling two pdocs since the first of the year as well, taking M to another local pdoc who is very highly skilled (rated top child pdoc in the area several years in a row). We still have the pdoc who has been caring for M since forever, the new one is consulting with the old one... offering some new ideas and opinions. So M's illness has also been keeping me plenty busy...

I love to write, and love my blog... but it was turning into a stressor... another "should do", and the time I was spending at the computer was eating up large chunks of my day. (I'm a poor writer and a bit of a perfectionist... so I could spend large periods of time trying to get the words "just right".)

I've also been wondering if my blog has reached the end of it's usefulness. I started blogging as a way of keeping in touch with my siblings, who are spread all over the globe. But they've stopped blogging for the most part, and I'd begun to feel as though I could no longer be honest in my writings about living with schizophrenia. It also felt as though our (my siblings and my) blogs had become an excuse for not keeping in real touch... a substitute for real connection.

So, for now, I'm not blogging. (Well, except for right now I guess I am, aren't I? :)

I'm pretty sure I'll be back... I do love to write, and love my blog, but I need to find a way to keep it from taking more time than I'm willing to give it. And I need to find a way to write for me again...

 Thanks for checking in with me... we're ok, just going another direction right now.

 sunset

Houseguest, or....do you have room for one more?

I have a little house guest for awhile. 

S came to stay with me on Thursday… I’m not sure how long she’ll be here. 

She’s 11 and in foster care, and I’m providing emergency respite care for her foster parents. S can be a challenging kid, but she also breaks my heart. Like so many other older kids, she is in the system waiting for an adoptive home that will probably never come.  

Often when people find out we’ve adopted (pretty easy to figure out since R is Black, and the rest of us aren’t!) I get the comment that they always wanted to adopt… but coudn’t for some reason (too expensive, don’t know how to get started, etc).  So think of this as my blanket reply to all those people who have said they have thought about adopting…

If you really want to adopt, there are literally thousands of children waiting in the foster care system for you. If there are age requirements, they are generally very relaxed (I know a couple in their 50’s who recently adopted a young child), and single parents can adopt. 

You can adopt if you have other children… in fact that parenting experience is often seen as a plus. 

It’s not expensive to adopt through the system, often all or part of the adoption expenses are subsidized by the agency you are adopting through, and many of these kids come with health insurance… some even come with monthly stipends to offset the financial costs of raising them.  

Once the child is available for adoption, there is virtually no chance of birth parents coming back to reclaim the child. Unless you agree to a “legal risk” adoption, all parental rights are terminated before the child is ever placed for adoption.  

There are children of all ages available for adoption, although as the child gets older they become harder to place (most people would rather adopt a little one)… so there are more older children then younger ones available.

So, do you have room for one more?Adopting from the system isn’t for the faint of heart. It usually means making a “do or die” commitment to a child because you love them, it’s the right thing to do, and because you know that you may be their last hope. (I’ve found that adopting out of the foster care system almost guarantees that you’ll be spending lots of time in prayer!) 

These kids bring their own baggage with them, of course… My little friend S (sitting next to me on the floor as I type, combing her toy horse’s mane) is here because of a 2 1/2 hour rage she had Thursday afternoon. During the rage she screamed herself hoarse and threw her things all around her bedroom. A long rage like that is unusual for S, but her foster parents are worn out…  and that long rage was the last straw… so I was asked if she could stay here for awhile. 

I’ve known S for four years, so she is comfortable here and her foster parents know we’ll take good care of her. She hasn’t raged since she’s been here… but I know it’s a possibility. 

In a funny way though, I understand her anger. S is cognitively delayed (she’s 11 going on about 7), and she spent her first 6 years bouncing back and forth from grandma’s house to the streets. This is a child who remembers living in seedy hotels and standing around a fire in a trashcan trying to stay warm in a snowstorm.. because she and her mother were homeless. Eventually… mom abandoned her, and the system stepped in and placed her in a foster home.  

Most foster parents are very good people, but some aren’t… and she was badly abused, for over a year, in her first foster home.  She’s safe now, but will never be adopted…have a “forever family”, and I guess I really don’t blame her for raging from time to time. I think I’d rage too, if I’d been through all that she’s been through.

Despite the misery she’s lived through, she is still just a kid. She’s been doing school with us (and is a little confused because our schooltime looks so much different from the public school classes she’s used to!). Right now my “classroom” is a wreck of beans, construction paper and glue… but I have a really nice new piece of artwork . (blue construction paper with “I love horses” spelled out with beans) S and R have been playing dress up and Barbies and visited a friend with me yesterday and spent a happy hour with her horses.  

So, if you are one of those people who has thought they might like to adopt someday, I would ask you to seriously consider whether you have room for just one more…  and if you decide you do, contact your county social service agency and ask about their adoption program.  

You and your family could be a miracle for some child like S…