I don't know how to do this...
How do I keep the kids and myself connected and part of the world, when M is so unstable that taking him out means putting us (and everyone else) through all the difficult behaviors his psychosis brings with it?
How do I find the supports we need to raise M, when every phone call I make ends with someone telling me that they don't have the expertise to work with M?
How do I keep from taking my exhaustion, frustration, and anger out on M and everyone else, when it's the "system" I'm angry with?
How do I find a balance in life, keeping M's schizophrenia from completely taking over the family, leaving us isolated from the "real" world....while at the same time respecting the rights of others?
When I look at the picture of M in my last post, I see the person he could have been. You don't see the psychosis in that picture, you don't see the drooling, or the zoned out look he often gets. You don't see his anger and confusion when the hallucinations are too intense to ignore... or the chaos that begins when he stops believing that they aren't real.
His pdoc wants me to significantly increase one of his meds, starting today. As it is he often appears drugged, and at times can't even think through the haze surrounding his brain. He no longer even makes an attempt to stop the near constant drooling, his speech is unintelligible and his intense hunger often rules the house. (All side effect related issues)
I agree that he's too unstable right now... we need to do something. But like so many other things in his life, there seems to be no balance. This latest increase may very well leave him too sedated to do school...
Schizophrenia sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment