We need some snow (and a long rant!)

This long, warm fall is strange...

 Usually, by mid-October or so it's cold and wintery enough outside that all but the necessary outside chores have ended. No more working in the garden, watering, cleaning the pasture or the barn (except for on the occasional warm days), by this time we are usually spending our days inside... staying warm.

It's been so warm this year though, it's like we are about six weeks off schedule, and I keep thinking of all the outside chores that I didn't have time to do this summer and could do now. (It's a shame to waste all this nice weather, you know...)

So I'm still hauling mulch (three pickup truck loads so far!), working in the barn, keeping the grass and trees watered etc. Honestly... I'm worn out, and hoping a little snow would help me to feel more like just sitting around and relaxing.

It's like I just can't sit still lately... yesterday I washed windows (first floor only, I'll finish today) cleaned the basement, raked leaves (again!) and got the laundry almost all caught up. Every time I would sit down for a few minutes, I'd think of something else I should be doing...

I don't know if it's the strange weather making me feel so driven, or the situation with M's pdoc. Maybe it's just the same old ridiculous garbage with the pdoc...

A month or so ago I started pushing her to talk to me about M. She called me once, and promised to call again the next week, but then dropped out of sight again. We've never talked about the recommendations that came from the second opinions I got, and at that time M was NOT stable enough on the meds he was taking. When I emailed her, reminding her that we needed to talk, and sending her a list I'd made of the different options that had come from those second opinion consults, she ignored the emails. I finally gave up connecting with her and increased his meds myself (something that will catch up with me when he runs of out meds before the month is over!).

I emailed and told her that I'd adjusted his meds, and she replied saying we needed to talk. She asked if I had "coverage" at home and could meet and talk to her without the kids.

I appreciated her finally emailing, but it also ticked me off...  No, I don't have "coverage" at home. She's been M's pdoc for 7 years... she should know my now that when M is unstable, I'm the coverage... there is no one else.  

So I replied that I don't have coverage at home, and that there seemed little point in talking now anyway... I'd already increased the meds and M was starting to calm down again.  

It took several days to hear back from her, but her reply was that she'd read the list of options and I hadn't included hospitalization as one of them, and she thought M should be in the hospital... now. 

There was no feedback on any of the six options the other pdocs suggested.

(I can't find the rolling eyes smiley, but imagine my eyes rolling here..)

So... now that he's doing better, she wants him in the hospital.... after ignoring us when he was struggling and in so much pain.

LOL, I don't think so...

I wrote back and said that I do always consider hospitalization an option (what family of a person with sz doesn't?!) but I thought we should explore the other options first...

Guess what? She's never replied...

Sometimes I think she just throws that "hospitalization card" out there to get rid of me. She brings it up, I back off from whatever I've been pushing her about, and she never mentions it again (until the next time I'm pushing her about something).

I think it's a lousy way to communicate (or, more accurately, NOT communicate) with a parent.

So I check my email... wondering if/when she'll reply and what she'll say. I look at the list of options collected from the second opinion consults, and wonder if any of them might be better for M then doing what I did... increase the medication that will surely make the tardive dyskinesia worse.

And then I go outside and shovel mulch, or manure...

So maybe my restless energy is connected more to pdoc problems then to the weather... but I do think I'll feel better (and be forced to stop all the heavy outside work) once it really starts snowing.