endings and beginnings

The past few days have been ones of endings and beginnings...

Sadly, after my last post, Tilly continued to go downhill in terms of her level of pain. She had almost stopped eating, and her eyes reflected the pain she was feeling. The vet came out and said there was nothing more he could do for her... so we made the hard decision to put her down.

We said good-bye to her Friday afternoon...



She was an incredible creature... I've never known another animal with her amazing combination of strength, forgiveness, persistence and gentleness. After being rounded up by the BLM as a wild three year old and sold, she endured years of abuse... abuse that left her legs permanently damaged.  I couldn't fix that damage, but I'm glad we were able to make the end of her life as easy as possible.

Tucker (her son) was very hurt and confused when she died... We left her body in the pasture for awhile and he alternated between licking the spot on her neck where the needle had gone in, and pawing the ground. He stood watch over her all that night.  The next morning, after her body was gone, he stood at the fence braying for her... His reaction to losing her has been incredibly sad to watch.

Thankfully both M and R have handled losing Tilly reasonably well... Both kids showed a lot of maturity and growth compared to when we lost Grant almost 2 1/2 years ago.

R has been grieving though. I'd told her awhile ago that she could get another dog (she lost her dog to cancer about 6 months ago), and decided that losing Tilly made it a bit more urgent to find her a dog quickly. She wanted a smallish dog, but not a puppy...we were thinking about a bichon frise (or a bichon mix)... A dog that would become a companion and hopefully a comfort to her when she's feeling anxious.

I started checking the online listings for our local shelters, and just today found what (I hope!) will be the perfect dog for her.

His name is Cody and he's a bichon frise, shih tzu mix (a zuchon! :). He's 3 years old and was given up because kids in his home were allergic. He's got a very sweet, friendly personality and enough energy to keep with R. She is crazy about him.



Doesn't he have the sweetest face?

Needless to say, R is thrilled...

Guess what...

...Joe bought me for a surprise.

`

`

`

`

`

No, really.... you have to guess before I tell you.

Here's your first hint... It's part of the reason I haven't been spending much time at the computer lately.

`

`

`

`

`

Ok, that probably wasn't a very good hint.

Here's another one... Can you guess what it is now?





`

`

`

`

Probably not... I'll give you one more hint.

`

`

`



`

`

`

`

Give up?

`

`

`

`



Yep, he bought me a banjo!

I've loved plinking (plunking?) around on my guitar so much that when a guy at his work decided to sell off some older instruments he had, Joe picked up this banjo for me...

I've always loved the happy twang of banjo music. (I also love the melancholy drone of bagpipes... I guess I have no taste in music at all!)

Joe got the banjo restrung, and the bridge reworked, and it sounds great. I haven't been able to find a beginning banjo book at the music store I usually shop at, but I can pick out the beginning of the "Deliverance song" (Which is no great feat because I think everyone who was alive in the 70's must have that tune hardwired into their brain...), and (thanks to the internet) I've learned a few chords, and am working on learning the "alternating thumb roll".

I can tell it's going to be slow going... in part because I probably shouldn't practice much during my favorite practice time...when the kids are asleep (it's much louder than the guitar and would wake them up), but also in part because my fingers are so easily confused and tied into knots... especially when the left hand is supposed to be doing something totally different from the right!

I'm having fun though, and love my new "toy"...

Well, I'm off to Amazon now to find a book that will teach me some of the basics of playing the banjo.

Tilly

Here's what you would see if you drove down my driveway today...

My new car is parked by the garage.  Parked off to the side is Joe's little truck, B's car, my old car...  and Tilly.



Yes, left to herself, Tilly enjoys laying out in the driveway.

Poor Tilly has been just miserable lately... her legs are giving her a lot of trouble and we've reached the point that I don't know what else I can do for her. When I went out this morning to feed, she was being extremely cranky with Tucker so I decided to just let have a day to herself, and put her out in the back pasture... alone.

I thought Tucker might appreciate having her gone for awhile (she landed at least one solid kick to his chest this morning...)

But he hasn't been at all happy...

Here's Tucker asking nicely for me to let him out... (the bray that went with this look was sweet, but very whiny)



He went back to pacing the fence when he realized I wasn't going to let him out.



After I let her out Tilly grazed for awhile, stretched out in the soft grass for a short nap...

...then she walked out of the pasture through the front yard, and found herself a nice warm spot on the driveway.

It's just dirt and sand out there, but when Tilly was a wild burro she lived in the Death Valley area of Nevada.



I wonder if the warm sandy dryness of the driveway feels a little like "home" to her.

*~*daybook*~*

FOR TODAY

April 12, 2010

Outside my window... the sky is mostly overcast but there is enough sun to take the chill out of the air. The fruit trees are starting to bud, and in the flower gardens the first perennials are starting to peak up through the mulch. It's been a long winter, I'm so glad spring is here!

I am thinking... that life finally seems to be getting back to normal again.

I am thankful for...the obvious, of course.. that M is better...  but also for the resolution we seem to have found to the problem of psychiatric care for the kids, for the many doctors who have helped us over the past couple of months, and the many friends who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers... and also for this beautiful spring day!

From the learning rooms... school is going well. Both kids got a lot of work done last week...  In math, M started working (again...) on percents and decimals, and R is working (again... ) on place value. Place value is a concept that just seems to escape R so, even though I've taught it several times in the past, we're going over it again. Maybe, this time, I'll find the way to really help her to understand.

From the kitchen... M's digestive problems have us all on a bit of a diet. It's been hard to put meals together when there is so much he can't eat... but little by little, as I add foods back into his diet, it gets easier.

I am creating... I've been working out in the garden the past couple of days. The perennials are starting to grow, so I've got the flower beds cleaned out and mulched. I couldn't resist the pansies for sale last weekend, so I replanted our old wood barrel in pansies, and also picked up some raspberry and blackberry plants for the back yard. It's too early to plant them, but they can live just fine in the sun room until the danger of frost is past.

I am going... to the stable a couple of times this week, otherwise I think we're staying home.

I am reading... The Blindside. No I haven't finished Undaunted Courage... I'm just taking a break from Lewis and Clark, because I've wanted to read The Blindside for so long that once I had it I couldn't wait to start it.

I am hoping... that Tilly starts to improve. She's been having more trouble with her legs lately (the tendons and ligaments that were damaged when she was used in rodeos) and I need to either find a way to help her, or have her put down. It's not fair to her to keep her going when she feels so bad...

I am hearing... a quiet house. M is in quiet time, R is gone with her sister E, and the house is silent... a very rare occurence.

Around the house...starting to shop for carpet... the end of this 5 year project is in sight!

One of my favorite things... a quiet house (see above ^ :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... get school done, get big garden rototilled, get farrier out for Tilly, and make a couple of trips down to the stable for the kids riding lessons (R) and physical therapy (M).

Here is a picture I am sharing...

tiny slivers of rainbow shooting off from the prisms hanging in my kitchen window

Visit Peggy's blog for more about The Simple Woman's Daybook

Horse Show

We spent yesterday up in Fort Collins where R competed in the Front Range Challenge Horse Show. It's put on by the equine dept of Colorado State University, and was a really nice horse show... We had a great time.

It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, which worked out fine because R didn't have enough advance notice to start stressing out about participating. Her riding instructor asked me on Monday if R would like to go, but because of M's stomach problems I wasn't sure we could make it.

M was enough better by Weds. that I said we'd go, but then there was a mix-up at CSU with the entry forms and it looked like we'd missed the deadline to enter.

Luckily CSU made a "late entry" exception for our riding center, and we found out Friday that R would be able to ride... She had no idea what she was entered in, so she spent some time Friday at the stable learning and practicing for the show.

The day started with the costume class... basically just a costume contest on horseback. We didn't have much time to get ready, but R did have her Hogwarts costume from last Halloween, and I thought she and Tex looked pretty good.



Tex is the lesson horse she rides at the center where she takes her lessons... Murphy doesn't trailer well, so taking him up to CSU was NOT an option.



In the afternoon R competed in the Equitation, Pole Bending, Barrel Racing, and Trail competitions. All events were done at either a walk or trot... there was no real "racing" in the barrel racing. The pole bending and barrel racing events were timed though, and R and Tex didn't place in those... Tex is an o-l-d, s-l-o-o-o-w, horse and not likely to hurry up just because someone might be timing him.

(Although he can smell a dropped horse cookie, YARDS away...  and looks about 10 years younger hurrying over to get it before someone else does!)



R did win first place in equitation though...



...and second place in the trails class... so she went away absolutely thrilled!



Despite the dust, the cold, the hours of waiting for R to ride, and the fact that we got our "lunch break" at 5:00, it was a wonderful day. M did fine, and R had such a good time that she can't wait for the next horse show!

~quick update~

I think things are finally settling down with M and all the GI problems he's been having...

He's on both regular stomach meds, and herbal/nutritional supplements and it seems like the constant vomiting has finally stopped. The GI doc really wasn't much help at all, and if M starts to have severe problems again I'm going to have to switch to a different doctor... I honestly think what ended up being the most helpful was a supplement I bought at Vitamin Cottage. It's a mixture of slippery elm bark, mastic gum, zinc, calcium and something called l-carnosine. Within hours of taking it for the first time, M said his stomach felt better and the vomiting stopped. He can't take it long term, since it interferes with the absorption of his psych meds... but it's been an amazing help to him for the past week.

Things are slowly getting back to normal around here... The kids got a full week of school done last week, M's back in physical therapy, and... the highlight of the week... R entered, practiced for, and rode in, a horse show. (More about that later...)

It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I'm looking forward to finishing cleaning out the flower beds, working out in the barn (R and I are moving the hay out of the hay loft and stacking it down below where we can get to it) and moving the last of the "durable medical equipment" M needed after his surgery (bedside commode, walker, etc) into the hay loft... since he doesn't need it any more. (woohoo!!)

spoke too soon....

I just reread my last post. I was feeling pretty optimistic about M when I wrote it... thinking we were on the other side of all these GI problems, that he would slowly be able to start eating again, and life would get back to normal.

Unfortunately, things aren't happening quite that way...

If you'd rather not read the details about the ups and downs of M's GI problems you'll probably want to skip this post... I would understand. I wouldn't want to read about it either...

Last week was a blur of appointments and phone conversations with doctors, getting tests done, and trying to keep Michael adequately fed and hydrated without triggering more problems.

A week ago Sunday he was seen in The Children's Hospital (TCH) ER, and they thought he looked and sounded (bowel sounds) great... and sent him home on a restricted diet.

Monday he was seen at our pediatrician's office by the doc who was covering for her while she was on vacation. He heard no bowel sounds at all.

Monday night M was very ill, vomiting 10-15 times within just a few hours.

Tuesday I made an appointment with the GI clinic at TCH... luckily they could squeeze him in the following day.

Wednesday we spent all day at TCH. M saw his orthopedist... He said said M's doing extremely well, except he's been overusing the new joint a bit and has some overgrown of bone where the femur was cut during surgery.  He was also seen in the GI clinic by one of their "teams". They didn't hear much in the way of bowel sounds, and ordered a bunch of labs and an upper GI. I didn't have any answers when I finally left the hospital that afternoon, but I felt better... turning it over to the GI team would at least give M some continuity of care. Also on Weds. my sister from Kansas came for a visit...

Thursday.. back to the hospital for the upper GI (we had the labs done Weds. before we left the hospital). The doc who did it showed me how M's stomach was squeezing but not moving the barium along into his intestines.  Without being able to effectively move what he eats and drinks along, it just sits in his belly until his belly gets full and it all comes back up.

Well... I guess that explains all the vomiting.

Thursday was also M's anniversary (of the day he came to our family). We always celebrate the kid's anniversaries with dinner out at their favorite restaurant... M wanted me to cook him dinner at home this year (which sounded like an excellent idea, since he was no closer to being able to eat than he had been a week before!), but wanted to go out to lunch. After endless talk and negotiation we decided on Mt Fuji (hibachi) because I knew he could probably digest the rice, and there would be no cheese, breading (on meat) or excessively fatty food. He ate his lunch and seemed ok.

Unfortunately he wasn't ok... M threw up off and on through Thursday night and most of Friday. He was also unsettled and seemed headed towards instability on those days... probably since he'd been throwing up his psych meds pretty regularly.

I called the GI clinic Friday and talked to the nurses, they filled the main doc on the team in and he called me that evening. It sounded like he really didn't know what to do. There are only two meds that are used to treat this problem... but M can't take either one because they interact negatively with his clozaril. Dr S said there was nothing we could do this weekend, but he would start researching and see what he could figure out.

M was very sick Friday night and, for the first time, there was blood in his vomit.

My sister left Saturday morning... I felt bad that her visit had revolved so much around M's medical issues, but it had been very good to see her and I enjoyed having her company. After she left I went down to Vitamin Cottage and spent an hour talking to one of their "consultants" about herbs or other supplements that might help M. I left with $70. worth of herbs and spent the afternoon researching the various herbs in the supplements I bought before giving any of them to M. (Because of the meds he already takes and the side effects he has from them, there are many medications and supplements... even just herbs... that he shouldn't take.) He probably shouldn't take one of the supplements I bought, but the other two look ok. I started M on one of them Saturday afternoon...

Easter was a little different this year... M is still on a very restricted diet, and can have only extremely small (but frequent) portions of just a few foods. It was a hard day for M... he did well with all the food restrictions at home... but going to Grandma and Grandpa's, and not being able to eat what everyone else was, was very difficult for him.

So that brings us up to the present...

I'm sure I'll hear from the GI doc and the pediatrician today, and we have an appointment with the pdoc later in the week. Between the three of them, and me, we'll have to come up with a plan for M. Right now he's not eating enough, or the right kinds of foods, to maintain his weight or stay healthy... so someone is going to have to figure something out soon.