"normal" children

My niece Virginia, left a comment to my last post that really struck a chord with me. She wrote that M and R "look like 'normal' happy children".

Which they are of course, despite both of them having significant disabilities.

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Virginia hit right on what many people don't understand about kids like M and R (or any other child with a disability)...the fact that they ARE just "normal" kids...their diagnoses don't change that. Even the most disabled child is first just a regular kid, one who happens to have some extra challenges to cope with. Like all kids they love to giggle at silly jokes, cuddle for read aloud stories, have a "best" friend to share secrets with, and be invited to other kid's parties.

They need to be "normal kids" to grow up healthy. But unfortunately it can sometimes be difficult for people to see past the differences to see the real child... people see only a child with a difference... not a "normal" child.

I guess that's why I hate it when kids (or adults) are referred to as their disability, (for example when M is referred to as a schizophrenic...or either of the kids is called "an FAS child") as though all they are is their diagnosis! A better, kinder, way is to refer to the person first, then their disability.. as in, a child with FAS, or a boy with schizophrenia.

My kids, like all children with disabilities, are so much more than their diagnosis... A friend told me of an activity her son (with autism) did while trying to learn more about being a person with autism. He drew a circle....representing himself, and inside the circle he drew many smaller circles... representing parts of himself. Only one of the many circles he drew inside himself was labeled autism... not every circle. My kids are the same... their diagnoses are only a little bit of who they are.

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The people who remember that my kids are just regular kids, and take steps to include them in regular kid activities are very wise, compassionate, and special people. I hope that, with time, more people will learn to see beyond the differences...

When they don't they are missing a lot.